Crushed Seraphim by Debra Anastasia

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Crushed Seraphim by Debra AnastasiaCrushed Seraphim by Debra Anastasia

Series: Seraphim #1

Rating: 1 of 5 stars

How does a foul-mouthed angel end up as the last hope for all of Heaven and Earth?

When Seraph Emma is maimed and tossed from Heaven by a rogue angel who’s taken charge, she fears she’ll never be allowed to return. Tasked with the impossible job of showing the self-loathing (and not even human!) Jason his worth, Emma is sure she’s doomed to fail.

Meanwhile, having wormed his way into Heaven, the corrupt Everett has trapped God in Hell and has designs on unleashing evil everywhere. Fortunately, if there’s one thing Emma can’t do (in addition to minding her language), it’s give up. Determined to save Jason and get back to Heaven-even if it means going to Hell-Emma’s plan is simple yet impossible: trick the Devil to save God.

What she doesn’t count on is the devotion and, well, humanity she finds in Jason; the spirit, hidden compassion, and raw sex appeal within the Devil; and the vulnerability of her own heart. With the help of two unlikely allies, she’ll wage the battle for Heaven. But will Emma be sidetracked by a new sort of heaven along the way?

What’s truly more dangerous?

Falling from Heaven, or falling in love?

I’m not sure if I misread the blurb for this thing or not way back when I added it to my TBR, but this book… this book certainly was not what I expected.

It begins straightforward enough–one of Satan’s minions asks for permission to rise to the Earth so that she may be with a man she’s fallen in love with. Satan disapproves but lets her go anyway.

Fast forward some generations, and Jason Parish, a descendent of the minion–known as half-breeds and vampires–watches as a shooting star falls to the earth. It turns out to be a one-winged angel (and no, it wasn’t Sephiroth). This would be Emma. She’s been sent to be his Christmas Angel, to show him he needs faith in God or something.

In the midst of all this is a lot of chaos wherein Everett, another angel and the one who tossed Emma out of Heaven to begin with, begins to throw other angels out as well after he has locked God up in a cell in Hell. Emma realizes she must free God from Hell and makes the trek there, only to encounter the Devil known as Satan/Jack.

Now, at this point, it seems like Emma and Jason are a pretty sure thing. They’ve danced around their attraction to one another and done some pretty indicative things, said some pretty indicative things, relating to their being together. So imagine my surprise when Emma immediately wants to jump Jack (the Devil)’s bones. Yeah, what the fuck, right? So this is not only a love interest all of a sudden, it’s not even the second. Jason was the second. Jack is the third. Her first was a fuckin eagle, a man named Sam who kept choosing reincarnation. I guess Everett’s another, but he’s more into her than she is into him. Actually, she kinda hates him.

Either way, the tally of men who fall over themselves for Emma is, at this point, a whopping FOUR.

Somehow, after all is said and done, and balance is restored to the world thanks to Jack sacrificing himself, Emma remains with Jason and his vampire family. They’re together. Should be their happily ever after, right? It certainly seems that way. But noooooo she longs for Jack, even when Jason is right there, clearly in love with her, and she was at some point dedicated to him.

So… what the fuck… right?

It gets better.

Jack’s ex-girlfriend, an angel named Claudette, asks Emma to visit him in Purgatory and she instantly goes without giving so much as a fuck for Jason. Emma is suddenly all about Jack. They talk, they fuck, they get caught up, and then there’s a trial to account for all their sins, where Emma admits, in front of a crowd full of angels–AND JASON–that she is in love with Jack. Big fuck-you to Jason, who told her she loved her right before she went off to stuff Jack’s cock in her.

Then, because she’s SO good and SO giving, Emma demands that God give her her seraph wings back, takes everyone’s sins unto herself and orders Jason and Jack’s memories of her to be taken away.

What. the. fuck. !!!!!!

So Jason’s memories are wiped.

Jack’s aren’t.

Jack goes to find Jason so they can help save Emma from the clutches of Hell. Jason, not even remembering who Emma is, asks what’s up. Jack explains. He even includes the part about how Emma was unfaithful to him. About how he was in love with a woman who probably never loved him to begin with. Doesn’t matter to Jason. He still goes with Jack to help rescue Emma.

I’m sorry, that’s just not my cup of fuckin’ tea. This book could’ve been okay if it had reined in the Emma-worship, but I just can’t do it. I like Jason. He’s a nice guy. He doesn’t kill despite his need for human blood. And he loved Emma, truly. He‘s the only good character in the whole damn book. Jack’s all right, but he was really a useless asshole. And Emma. It was like there were two of her–the Emma that was tossed from Heaven and actually gave two shits about Jason, and the Emma was just wants to be all up in Jack’s Kool-Aid.

In a way, that’s what the whole story was like. On the one hand, here were these half-breeds called vampires and their whole storyline (trust me, it’s there). And then on the other, there’s this entirely different story about a rogue angel and one angel’s journey to stop him.

In one story, Emma and Jason are the OTP.
In the other, Emma and Jack are the OTP.
In Crushed Seraphim, even God loves Emma so much, it makes him stupid.

Nope. I do believe I’m done, thanks.

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