Frozen

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FrozenFrozen

Rating: 2 of 5 stars

Fearless optimist Anna teams up with Kristoff in an epic journey, encountering Everest-like conditions, and a hilarious snowman named Olaf in a race to find Anna’s sister Elsa, whose icy powers have trapped the kingdom in eternal winter.

Am I gonna get crucified for very nearly hating this movie? Because that’s the truth of it – I have no idea why people love this movie so much. The singing is awful, the plot line is worse and the characterization couldn’t be more transparent.

These two pictures do all the characterization that sisters Anna and Elsa get throughout the entire movie, more or less.

Elsa looking rightfully passionate despite the warnings to “conceal, never feel,” should she happen to injure her sister (which, by the way, was an occurrence that happened between two children. What two sisters don’t almost kill each other as they grow up together?).

Anna gazing longingly at her sister’s back as the distance between them grows.

 

Elsa in Frozen Anna in Frozen

I just didn’t find it realistic at all. If my sister stopped talking to me as a kid, I would’ve questioned it for a little while, but I would eventually get the fuck over it and realize she wanted nothing to do with me. Oh, so Elsa only did it to protect her sister from herself, though, right? Seems to me like Elsa could take a note or two from Professor Snape.

Then there’s the Worst Love Triangle of the Year:

Kristoff in Frozen Hans in Frozen

Although Hans, in courting Anna and then quickly proposing to her in the same night, makes quick work of presenting himself as wildly transparent, Anna falls for his dumb ass anyway. I’m not calling spoilers, either, because I am almost 1,000% certain I’m the last person on the face of the planet to watch this movie.

In fact, I’m not even reviewing it. I’m just on a senseless rant.

I hate love triangles. Every single one. Whether for good reasons or even based on false pretenses. I still hate ’em.

Actually, since this was one of those triangles, it made me hate the movie even more.

And, can someone please tell me what this movie is about? Elsa and Anna’s relationship? Because Elsa was missing for half the movie. Maybe just Anna herself? But then so much focus on the childhood she shared with Elsa.

OH – speaking of childhood – way to fuckin’ go, storyline planners. Here’s an idea, next time you introduce character death within the first couple of minutes of a movie, maybe try offering a reason behind it next time? THAT’D BE GREAT.

Kristoff and Ana in Frozen

I give up. The movie is about them (^) (which I didn’t ship) (AT ALL). Otherwise, I’ll never be able to make sense of this waste of my time.

Only giving 2 stars because the animation was flawless.

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4 thoughts on “Frozen

    Justine B. said:
    23 June 2014 at 734

    I have to agree with you. While I didn’t hate it, I didn’t see what all the hype was about. Seems kind of overrated to me. The story was nothing special, and the music was just OK. I know Idina Menzel is a Broadway star and all but I don’t like her voice at all. Glad I’m not the only one who felt this way about it.

      Sierra responded:
      29 June 2014 at 647

      It feels extremely overrated to me. I’m actually relieved to know I’m not the only one.

    Jeann @ Happy Indulgence said:
    28 June 2014 at 1123

    Oh I actually loved Frozen because we were meant to believe in Elsa’s character as the believer of the good in people. She was definitely naive especially when it came to Hans who was terrible, but I’m glad the story actually portrayed sisterly love instead of romantic

      Sierra responded:
      29 June 2014 at 649

      Is that what the big fuss is about? Because a girl saved her sister? Okay, noted, still a crap plot. :]

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